3 Things I learned When Mariah asked for an Inconvenience Fee

Say what you will about Ms. Mariah she is a true diva and not just in the vocal aspect. Mariah has managed to do what women probably should have been doing all along. Demand money for wasting her time! After all time is super sacred because we can NEVER get it back.  Now I am not sure she will get the money. I am not even sure she deserves it. What I am sure of is this is one the most epic empowerment moves I have seen in a while.

Is it a publicity stunt for her upcoming show? Maybe. Does she deserve the money? Hell I don’t know because I wasn’t there. What I do know is it takes balls to do something this bold. She is in essence saying you waste my time so pay me. She uprooted her family to be with this man, and the demise of the relationship had her so distraught she had to cancel part of her tour. Before you condemn her she is a women first and a celebrity second.

She is not the first woman to move to a city to be with or closer to a man. If I am being honest, I have done it. It all worked out because I met my husband but I will never forget facing the fact that I left home and comfort with my daughter for a man and the relationship failed. She also is not the first women to be so distraught about love ending she had to miss work. Don’t pretend you have spent a day on the couch after a break up. Sure it is not the same as cancelling a tour but it boils down to a woman missing work because things did not work out with the man she loves. I think we often expect celebrities to bounce quicker, but why? They are human too.

Still not convinced this was an empowering move? Let’s talk. Remember the guy you cosigned for his car because his credit was bad and you believed in him? Remember when he stopped making those payments?  Or the guy who told you all his big dreams and you helped him by allowing him to live with you rent free and as soon as he got it together he only wanted to be “friends” so he could focus on his dream? Or the guy who slept with your friend? What about ole boy who lied and had a whole family turning you unknowingly into the Sidechick? Then there was the guy who promised he was different and told you he would love you forever and forever ended way sooner than you thought it would? See we have all been in some sort of situation where our time was wasted by a man we were in a romantic relationship with. So even if she doesn’t get the money in some way it has to feel great to be audacious enough to ask.

While I have had my own thoughts on Mariah since she got in the tub at the end of her episode of Cribs show she has made a serious move with this one.  She understands it does not matter what we think about her, her spending habits, her love life, and even her talent. She values herself enough to ask for what she believes she deserves. Now whether you think she is a hot mess for doing so or not here are three things to take from this situation.

Value yourself. For better or worse Mariah is asking for an inconvenience fee because she feel her time, love and location are valuable. If more of us saw the value in ourselves we not be swept away by men who are only going to waste our time by breaking promises they never intended to keep. While I am not telling you to charge your ex a fee I am saying understand what you bring to the table so you don’t have to settle.

Stop husband-ing (like wife-ing) these boyfriends. I will admit I have done it to. However the sooner you learn to stop the better you will be. We as women are trying so hard to prove we are wife material, (whatever that is because it is clearly different for every guy) that we forget we are the prize. Sure be down, have his back but things like moving, placing him on your insurance, combining bills these are all husband status activities. Any man married or not can leave but I promise you will feel so much better about yourself when you are going through the break up if you reserved some of the extras.  I know what you are thinking, well he was her fiancé. SO WHAT!!! He was not her husband and now she has to relocate again and start over. Some would say a fiancé is just a slightly upgraded boyfriend anyway.

Never be afraid to ask for what you want… after all you just might get it. We are living in strange times and it is oddly possibly that she just might get this man’s money. Even still what if she doesn’t get all of it but half?  Half will still add to her account. Without asking we can all agree she would get nothing.

I understand husband’s leave their wives all the time but not as often as boyfriends, and apparently fiancés. So protect your heart ladies, and be careful. Along with that never be afraid to demand your worth. You just might get it. When is the last time you boldly asked for what you wanted?

Change your perception and change your life... PLUS 36 things to do during football season

No matter how hard I tried to avoid this, it seems I was destined to enjoy football. My brother who is eight years older than me FORCED me to watch the movie The Program (starring Omar Epps, and Halle Berry EVERY SINGLE DAY for a year). Then when he was in high school, and college I was forced to attend his games weekly, under the guise of support, although I did enjoy the cheerleaders.

Then I found myself knocked up at age 19 and alone. It was sad, but that is not the point. The point is I spent a large amount of time with my father. I will give you a minute to google “daddy’s girl” and find my picture. I kid, no really. Anyway spending all this time with my father meant watching football.  He is a football FANATIC!!! He watches the draft like I watch How to Get Away with Murder. I mean he knows stats, where people went to college, and in some cases he knows a little about their upbringing. So instead of being even more miserable watching a sport I did not necessarily like or understand, I started asking questions. I begin to learn what the hand signals meant, and why they had so many chances to make a touch down. I started learning player’s name and my love of football and the Steeler Nation began.

Fast forward to the present and depending on who is playing I am happier than my husband to hear “I been waiting all day for Sunday night.” I know everyone will not share my sentiment. Some women refuse to even give the game a try. I don’t understand that because the eye candy is great, oh and part of being in a relationship is taking interest in his interest but I digress. Here we are half way almost done with preseason with 17 more weeks of regular season, playoffs, and then Super Bowl and women are saying good bye to their husbands and they are sad about it.

They need to be jumping for joy. How could they not realize all the free time they have in store during this football season. A lot of life’s issues are all about mindset. We trick ourselves into thinking we are not good enough so we never go after our dreams. We are mad when we don’t get a promotion, but the person who got the promotion is miserable and wants to quit. We struggle with seeing the blessings that surround us.

We look at rejection as a bad thing, when it is really protection. When you are stuck in traffic you are not in the fatal accident ahead. When the guy breaks your heart, you are that much closer to your prince charming. When the car lot tells you no, then the car is recalled, or you lose your job and would not have been able to pay for it anyway. The rejection was really protection. We have to start training our minds to see the good even when the situation seems extra bleak. There is a lesson in everything IF you have the right mindset.

So stop dreading football season and embrace it. I personally recommend attempting to like the game because it really is fun. Still, if hubby is like most men and cannot function when the game is on, you are going to have to occupy your time. In case you need some help with what to do with your time I have created a bucket list for you. A list of 36 things for you to do during football season.

So do you watch the game, or are you totally against it?

Finance and Romance- 5 Budget Friendly Date Ideas

Money. When you see this word what do you immediately think about? Does your mind go to the lack thereof  or are you blessed and you think about the surplus you have? I am willing to bet majority of people think about what they are missing. The unfortunate reality is folks are really living check to check. However what is even sadder is we never think about what we really have. For those of us blessed enough to be in a marriage we are super rich even if it is not financially.

We are blessed to have someone in the fight with us. Even if we are living under a bridge as a married couple you are not in the cold alone. Of course I do not want you living under a bridge I am simply getting my point across. You are not alone so you are not poor. Come one we have all seen the sappy movie where the rich person is grumpy because he or she does not have friends. Or they say something like all the money and fame in the world means nothing without the one you love. It is true. Think about when you have a bad day at work then you see your spouse and they give you a hug, pat on the but, handshake, or whatever you two do. Suddenly things are not as bad right?

So how did you answer the money question did you think about what you did not have or is money not a big issue for you? Now think about how you let money affect your marriage. Don’t be ashamed I have been there too, Money was tight and so was I (all pun intended). I had a nasty attitude, and honestly looking back I am not sure how my husband put up with me. I did not mean to have an attitude I was stressed.

If I am being honest I was pissed. Pissed because there was a struggle and we both worked full time jobs. Which if you are reading is not my husband’s fault but like most people we hurt the ones closest to us when we are hurt. This, however, is a rant for a different post. Anyway I was allowing our finances to affect our romances and this is a HUGE mistake. Remember the vow says richer or poorer.

Think about when you argue with your husband about the sock he left on the bathroom floor. Are you really mad about the sock or are you mad about the pending light bill because you do not see the money in the checking account. Money can put so much stress on a marriage. It can be hard to keep the romance alive.

Speaking of romance remember when it was fresh and new? Remember when you got butterflies in your stomach, obsessed over what you would wear? The romance was alive and well during this time. Neither of you thought about the money you spent on your courtship. When money is flowing and bills are paid it is so easy to say I love you. It is even easier to take some of that money and go somewhere nice. Or what about when the money is flowing and we say money's not everything. Which is true but please be honest with yourself money is a tool. A mandatory tool we use daily to meet our needs.

If we are not careful we can allow the lack of money and other things to overshadow what we actually do have. We get so caught up on what is missing we never see what is there. Then we let this same mentality creep into our marriage. We start looking at the struggle as if it is our spouses fault. We will assume for the sake of this post it is not their fault and situations just aligned and created the perfect financial storm. This is not the time to throw stones, call names, and pull apart. It is actually the time to pull closer. It may seem hard but it is in this moment you need to start dating again.

I know what you are thinking. We just talked about financial hardship and you want me to date. Well the answer is yes. Just because you may be on financial hard times does not mean your romance should be on hard times. Despite whatever your bank account says it is imperative to keep the romance alive. Ensuring your romantic life is doing well can often help you take your mind of the finances. What I am not saying is blow all your money on one dinner. I am saying consider some budget friendly options like the following:

1. Indoor Picnic- this is my favorite!!! So you already have groceries in your house whip up something good and lay it all out for him on the floor with a blanket. Now if you have children wait until they go to sleep. If you have some extra money splurge on a cheap bottle of wine.  Once you pour it in the glass it all taste the same, and he will appreciate the thought.

2. I am not a complete fan of the term but Netflix and Chill.- Too make it fun, watch something you have never seen before, and even if you have on comfy pajamas, do NOT I repeat do NOT have you hair tied up. This is a date remember no sleep scarves allowed. Also try to sit up. If you two lay down you may end up asleep. Now if you lay down and other things happen then I say it’s a winning situation.

3. Walk in the park. You and your honey can go out enjoy the weather, and really reconnect. You two can talk and laugh like you used to before life happened and things got so serious.

4. Ice cream dates are super cheap as well. You two can share a cup and instead of saying it is because of money use this time to sit close and feed one another and simply reconnect.

5. Free concert in the park. - Depending on where you live there may be some free events in the part you two can go on. Look in your local paper or online because who is still reading the paper, and find out what your city has to offer in the entertainment department.

Balancing Business and Family

Entrepreneurship among women is at an all time high. I personally think this is great and believe we as women possess all it takes to run the world. However before we go off and conquer the world we have to make sure home is taken care of.

You do not want to lose your marriage or place unneeded stress on your family as you work to build your empire. When I first started my business I was obsessed to say the least. I was constantly reading, researching, taking free classes (and some paid ones). I mean I wanted to know everything.

Constantly looking at my phone or locking myself in the home office was not healthy for my family. I have a husband, and 11 year old and a 1 year old who is attached to his mommy at the hip if I left him. So even when the Mr. wasn’t noticing my absence my little man was. Fortunately my big girl is self sufficient and into her own pre teen life.

It wasn’t until I heard the Mr. give a loud (maybe overly dramatic) sigh did I take a look up from my phone and see what was happening to my family. My little man was crying, my pre teen was not making good TV choices and the Mr. was at wits end. I knew then something had to change. I also knew I was not giving up the idea of owning my own business. I honestly believe in having it all I just know it takes work. So I implemented these practical strategies and hacks into my life,  and we seem to be in a nice groove as a family and my business is flourishing as well.

1. Protect my time and create boundaries in my life. You have to learn your own limits and learn to say no.

2. Figure out exactly what it takes to run your type of business and plan out a process. For example I know I have to create content, so I set aside a specific day and time to do this.

3. Use my time at my day job very wisely. If there is down time I try to watch a webinar there, but only after my work is done because I need those coins to continue to fund my business.

4. Learn how to live with less sleep. In order to make sure my family gets what they need from me I have some late nights and early mornings.I do not have a nanny, chef, or maid so all those duties still have to get done no matter what. This means sometimes I wake up early and sometimes I go to bed late. My family is a priority to me and I make sure they know it. Sacrificing a little sleep to make sure ALL of our needs are met is ok with me.

5. Made my husband a priority. I also started to include him in my dreams, and share more of what I was learning with him.

How do you make time for it all?

Make Sunday Longer So Monday Is NOT

If you have read my post on making more time you know I believe in doing things the night before. If you do things in advance there is less rush when it is due. We are adults now so cramming for the test, or writing the term paper the night before is a thing of the past.

We all know what it takes to make our house run smoothly. We have created a system in our homes of who does what and when. If it is up tp you to get the baby dressed in the morning plan for that. Have the clothes ready and give yourself a 10-15 min window in case you get peed or puked on. It is not fun and I love sleep like the next person if not more but when I make Sundays longer my Mondays feel a whole lot better. Here is what I do on Sundays:

1. Finish the deep cleaning- read here for cleaning schedule
2. Prep meals for the week (ok I lie, hubby does this, perks to be married to a chef)
3. Finish the laundry I started in Friday don’t judge me
4. Pack my gym bag because if I miss Monday my week is shot
5. Pick out clothes for me and the baby for the WEEK
6. Make yet another to do list for the week

Doing these things make Sunday night a little longer, but it also prepares my mind for the week. I get out of lazy weekend mode back to work on the grind mode so on Monday I am not sluggish. Also Monday morning runs smoother because I  am prepared. My dad always says “prior planning prevents piss poor performance.” I did not get this way over night but I was tired of the Monday morning blues and decided something needed to be done.

Do you week prep on Sundays? What is your routine?