3 Reasons why Comparing makes you Lose!

The fastest way to make yourself miserable is to look at what other's are doing. Their life will always look better than yours if you are looking at the phone and they are living their life. We live in a world where people’s lives are literally at our fingertips. Don’t think so? Scroll through anyone’s Facebook Feed. You will know when they met their boo, how and when he proposed when they got married, pregnant, and every fight in between. Of course, there is always an exception I have a friend who waited a year before she “debuted” her daughter on Facebook.

With so much exposure we have a front row seat to anyone's life we want.  We see the bags, trips, cars, and if we are real enough to admit it we want it for ourselves. There is nothing wrong with wanting more the issue starts when you compare and covet what others have. If we are not careful we can start to want their relationship too. We see what their partner is doing for them, what they bought, how they said they were beautiful even though they gained weight then silently and slowly we begin to think their version of the love is the only version.

We get mad at what we have at home believing our love life is supposed to be like what we see on the gram. The sad thing is we never consider any differences. We don't stop to look at how long they have been together, is he taking her on vacation because he got caught with his side chick, the difference in bank accounts, or anything else.

We stop remembering all the things that make our relationship special because we are too busy looking at others. In the past, I shared with a friend that I did not want a man I had to cook Thanksgiving meals every single day so being true to me I got a man who did not require that. On the flip side, one of my friends cooks daily and from scratch. If I were to base my relationship on hers I would be failing as a wife, and my husband would be miserable. Every relationship is different and we have to learn to appreciate what makes our relationship special. When you constantly compare your relationship to others you lose in major ways.

You get stuck so you don’t produce. You are so busy worrying what others are doing and how they are posting on Instagram you are unable to focus on your own relationship. You cannot be a good wife if you are trying to force your man to fit a mold that some other woman made. It doesn’t matter if someone else’s husband has them all over there social media, your husband may not be into that. So by demanding he subscribes to someone else’s standards you will mess up what is working for you and cause unnecessary arguments. If he has never paraded you on his social media why are you asking him to start now? The woman who is on her husband’s social media may be missing something in her relationship that your husband does on a regular.

You are coveting an ending when you have no idea what it took to get there and if you could even handle it. Sure it is all fun and games watching them take trips but what if he choked her right before they took the picture? Everyone is happy on pictures because we smile for the camera not frown for the camera.  What if the couple you are calling your relationship goals have dealt with an affair in their marriage? Do you want that too? So much could be going on behind the scenes that there is really nothing for you to be jealous of. You may want what they have now but could you have survived what they went through to get there? If you are not willing to struggle don’t envy the success.

Finally, you never know the time frame for success. There are no overnight successes. You have to put in the WERK!!!! Think about anyone who you want to be like, pick a blogger (Regina from Byregina has had how many business and blogs), singer (K. Michelle has had how many record deals, and she suffered abuse), actress (Halle Berry is gorgeous and she has had bad luck in love), your friend who got married before you (how many bad relationships did she have). Nothing happens overnight. You can’t start a committed relationship on Monday and expect it to look like your friend’s relationship when she has been married 3 years. Comparing your start to someone else’s middle will have you upset every time.

The more accesses we have to others the more important it becomes to be happy with what you have. This in no way means be complacent we should all be striving for more, however comparing and being jealous is not the way. Always remember social media is a highlight reel. It is supposed to the show the person in the best light. No one is posting their messy house or their arguments. Just because you do not see it doesn’t mean it is not there. Remember to be grateful for what you have and water your own grass to make it better.

4 Positions to Drive Him Wild

With it being love day and all I know everyone is thinking about the chocolate, wine, steaks and of course some good ole bedroom action, and I am no different. This post however is…

Every woman wants her man to be crazy over her. We want to feel like his life revolves around us, and would kiss the ground we walk on. Ladies, am I right? We want out man to smile at us proudly as we kill whatever goals we have set for ourselves, and simultaneously rip our clothes off like we are Halle Berry’s porn star twin in the bedroom.

This is the reason why #relationshipgoals is a trending hashtag on social media. Not a believer? Look it up and you will see an array of pictures. You will find pics displaying pride, lust, and everything in between. Girlfriends and wives everywhere are drooling over the way Jay Z holds Beyonce’s ankle. While cheering and leaving smiling emojis as we discovered that Tammy took back Wacka. Let us not forget the time Former President Barack Obama cupped his First Lady’s rear end *swoon*

The thing women are forgetting is we have to stimulate his MIND and his body. Sure you can be a gymnast in the bed, and even be the best he ever had, but if that is all you have the relationship will never make it out of the bedroom. How will he brag to his friends if his only memories with you are in the bedroom? Those stories will eventually get old. If he serious about you he will not want to talk about your bedroom behavior instead he will want to talk about your business venture, the time you graduated from college, your new promotion at work, or how loving you are with the children. He will want to talk about a woman who is bringing more to the table than her plate.

 As cliché, as it sounds a man, wants a LADY in the streets and a FREAK in the sheets. Don’t believe me? Go ahead and ask any man. It can be a lot but you are trying to get to those relationship goals right? So here are four positions that are sure to drive him wild in and out of the bedroom.

Ride him, cowgirl. This will allow you to take control while giving him a full view of you and allow his hands to roam free. Men love when the woman takes control so give him what he wants!

Doggie Style. In this position, he is able to go deeper, and move at his own pace. So for the times when he needs to dominate and feel like a king, this is a perfect position.

Standing tall. A woman who is confident, about her business, and takes care of her business is a turn on. If you are truly standing tall you will have no problem stimulating his mind, and showing him things he has never seen before. Remember confidence is the best thing a woman can wear.

On your knees. Instantly you thought about an oral transaction, and those are good too but there is nothing like a praying woman. A lady who knows where her strength comes from will be able to be her man’s backbone when he needs it. Whatever your faith is you have to have a source. God, Universe, Buddha whomever you have to get your strength from somewhere, and faith comes from prayer.

Use these positions and watch him fall in love with you all over again. He will notice the changes and suddenly you are the giggling girl with your man looking lovingly at you. Thank me later ladies, and happy love day.

Which position will you be trying tonight?

3 Ways to Feel Sexy No Matter What

When it is time to “get sexy” most people think of the normal lingerie and heels. I think sexy starts with a mindset. You can be a size 0 and if you are not happy with this no pair of heels or thong will make this better. On the flip side you can be a 20 and if you are confident you can rock a teddy with some heels with no worries.

Sometimes when we look in the mirror we are just unhappy with what we see. Maybe we have had children, gone through a depression, or just never put our health and bodies on the priority list. This shouldn’t and doesn’t mean we are not sexy. Sure we may not look like the women on the magazine covers, but neither do they without their glam and photo editing teams.

You are not the only person who feels some type of way about their size, in fact most people do. Skinny people want to be “thick” and thicker people want to be small. This is the reason the health/ fitness/ nutrition business is a billion-dollar business. I mean really, who has not heard of Jenny Craig, CleanEats 2 U, Weight watchers, and Beachbody. How many weight loss shows are there now? We have all cried and watched Biggest Loser for one season or another. I liked Shaun T’s show as it had a nutrition element to it, and I am currently hooked on Fit to Fat to Fit. There are also meal plans, pills, and protein shakes for people trying to gain weight. Most people want to change their bodies in one way or another.

This is why I believe sexy starts with your mind first.  Sexy, for me, has less to do with appearance and more to do with an attitude. Do you remember Ticorra from America’s Next Time model? She was in a room full of skinny chicks on a model show. The world we live in says skinny equals beautiful and honestly I only remember her from her season. She had such swag, and extreme confidence that made her stand out, and be sexy. Her presence and aurora made you want to look at her.

Are you going to wait until you can wear a medium shirt to decide you are sexy? It usually does not work like that. When people lose weight they still struggle with their body image. They continue to buy large shirts when they can now fit a small. No matter your size confidence and the color black will go a long way. You have to know you are more than the number on the scale or the roll you are trying desperately to hide with your bra. Tell yourself you are sexy until you believe it.

Long term, if you are unhappy with your weight or size only you can change this. You have control of how often you move and what you place in your mouth. Changing your body will include exercise and proper eating, the end. I could go on and on about this but that is not why you came to my page, so I will not bore you with those details. If you need help with nutrition go here.

In the meantime, here are a few things you can do to help you feel sexy now:

Know and trust the person you are with is with you. Meaning they genuinely love you no matter your size. Sure everyone has a type but eventually love replaces the proverbial type. There is a plethora of happily married couples who will tell you they didn’t marry their type. This does not mean let yourself go, and we all know when we have tipped the scale, or pants size too far you don’t need your spouse to tell you that.

Accentuate the positive. If your man likes your boobs, get something that has the girls sitting up as if they are on a platter ready to be served, and maybe flows out around your mid-section. If your husband is like mine and is more into big derrieres dress accordingly. Every woman has something great about her body it is just drawing the attention to that feature. If it is your legs wear some killer heels that make them look even better.

Pre game before the main event. Don’t know how to pregame? Well remember before an event, party, or outing, you and your friends would meet at the designated friend’s house for drinks and fun prior to the main event, that is the pre -game. Now this will look different for everyone so do what makes you feel good.

 For me it is shaving, showering, and of course sipping. I primp, dance, and do things that make me feel better about me. How do you feel when your legs are freshly shaven and you put your favorite oil on them? For me it is an immediate self-esteem boost, and it makes me feel super feminine. I sip some wine Hennessey on ice and listen to music.

Music is key for me here. The right song can get me in the right mood. So play your theme song. I have a few… Chris Brown- Back to sleep, Urban Mystic- Best Part of my Day, Ro James- Permission, oh and Beyonce- Rocket (this song starts with “let me put this ass on you” how could you not feel sexy). Need more music inspiration, check out my love making play list here. The wine Hennessey,  getting pretty and the music just makes me feel ready to rock his world.

Try it!