Run backwards if you have to Just Follow Your Dream

Saturday I was watching college football with my two fave guys, and we happen to be watching the LSU game. Stay with me and stop rolling your eyes, I promise I am going somewhere with this post… We watched as Tre’Davious White ran 22 years AWAY from his end zone, only to score a touchdown.  Let me break this down for you. He went in reverse for 22 yards and even my dad was like “WHAT IS HE DOING”!! Then as he made his way to the end zone he calmed down.

You see Mr. White ran in REVERSE and essentially allowed his offensive line to get in formation so he would be protected as he ran for the touchdown. Yall he went BACKWARDS, it was crazy!! However, in going backwards he was able to go forward and score, which is the point of the game anyway.

The reason this was so phenomenal is because he knew what he was doing. He had a plan and he executed it like a BOSS. He understood that going forward to soon would have led to him being tackled. Essentially, he followed his own plan despite looking crazy and got the job done. Which we all need to do more of in life, love and business.

In life we are told to go to college get a degree and the job and money will come. As a person with two degrees I can tell you this is not always the case. I know people who barely got out of high school, and they are doing just fine on the job and money front. Then we all know the entrepreneurs. Who dropped out of college and are having the times of their lives. Launching products making 6 figures A MONTH and living their best life. You know what all these people have in common? They followed their own plan.

Girl he is not tall enough, de doesn’t make enough, he is isn’t good enough for you… Listening to those people will have you single. So what if he is short (Eniko hart is winning and Kev is NOT 5’11). You have to follow and create your own rules for love. Being superficial and listening to others has never in the answer. I am not saying turn a blind eye and get with a man who is more like having a child I am saying be true to you an what you want in love.

Often times in business people frown on doing free stuff. People feel like they have come to a place where free is not for them. Well there are so many things wrong with this because charity is important and you should always give back.  Giving value only adds to your brand. Drake gave us a mixtape then dropped an album. Usher just did a free concert for the kids in his hometown. On a smaller scale if speaking at an event for free is going to get your name out there why not? Do not let people who have “made it” talk you out of giving, or even investing or that matter. You have to do what makes sense for your business.

Stop worrying about being on the right path, or doing thigs just right. Start doing things. That is the only real way to make progress. Run backwards if you have to. Pay for that coach, class, end that relationship, or hell say in the one you are in. Whatever it is that is in YOUR plan, DO IT! Be unapologetic as you chase your dreams on your terms even if everyone else thinks you are doing it wrong. Sometimes going the wrong way initially will allow you to go the right way even easier.

Change your perception and change your life... PLUS 36 things to do during football season

No matter how hard I tried to avoid this, it seems I was destined to enjoy football. My brother who is eight years older than me FORCED me to watch the movie The Program (starring Omar Epps, and Halle Berry EVERY SINGLE DAY for a year). Then when he was in high school, and college I was forced to attend his games weekly, under the guise of support, although I did enjoy the cheerleaders.

Then I found myself knocked up at age 19 and alone. It was sad, but that is not the point. The point is I spent a large amount of time with my father. I will give you a minute to google “daddy’s girl” and find my picture. I kid, no really. Anyway spending all this time with my father meant watching football.  He is a football FANATIC!!! He watches the draft like I watch How to Get Away with Murder. I mean he knows stats, where people went to college, and in some cases he knows a little about their upbringing. So instead of being even more miserable watching a sport I did not necessarily like or understand, I started asking questions. I begin to learn what the hand signals meant, and why they had so many chances to make a touch down. I started learning player’s name and my love of football and the Steeler Nation began.

Fast forward to the present and depending on who is playing I am happier than my husband to hear “I been waiting all day for Sunday night.” I know everyone will not share my sentiment. Some women refuse to even give the game a try. I don’t understand that because the eye candy is great, oh and part of being in a relationship is taking interest in his interest but I digress. Here we are half way almost done with preseason with 17 more weeks of regular season, playoffs, and then Super Bowl and women are saying good bye to their husbands and they are sad about it.

They need to be jumping for joy. How could they not realize all the free time they have in store during this football season. A lot of life’s issues are all about mindset. We trick ourselves into thinking we are not good enough so we never go after our dreams. We are mad when we don’t get a promotion, but the person who got the promotion is miserable and wants to quit. We struggle with seeing the blessings that surround us.

We look at rejection as a bad thing, when it is really protection. When you are stuck in traffic you are not in the fatal accident ahead. When the guy breaks your heart, you are that much closer to your prince charming. When the car lot tells you no, then the car is recalled, or you lose your job and would not have been able to pay for it anyway. The rejection was really protection. We have to start training our minds to see the good even when the situation seems extra bleak. There is a lesson in everything IF you have the right mindset.

So stop dreading football season and embrace it. I personally recommend attempting to like the game because it really is fun. Still, if hubby is like most men and cannot function when the game is on, you are going to have to occupy your time. In case you need some help with what to do with your time I have created a bucket list for you. A list of 36 things for you to do during football season.

So do you watch the game, or are you totally against it?

3 Lessons we can learn from Keisha

By now we have all heard about Keisha Pulliam and Ed Hartwell. If not, he has filed for a divorce and is asking for a paternity test. She says she has never cheated, but he has. He says she was more interested in having a baby than anything else. No matter what the truth is the situation is a very sad. I personally feel bad for her. Being pregnant is not easy, but to be pregnant, asked for a paternity test, and going through a divorce must be extremely stressful to say the least.

As a woman I am tired of other women dragging her. She messed up. She got married “too soon”. But what is too soon? My parents met and were married within six months, and they just celebrated 35 years together. So I am also not here for the time argument. It is so easy to look at her life, call her desperate, talk about how she should have known better, and what she could have done differently. When none of us are in her shoes. We have no idea what that man told her and we are not privy to her thought processes. In short we were not in the relationship so we should not be so quick to judge the relationship.

Lest we forget that we all have made some wrong choices when it comes to relationships and men. She just happens to be a celebrity. Please stop acting like you yourself or your close girlfriend has not been in this situation or something similar.  We have made impulsive decisions, and been in relationships that no one approved of.

It is not our place to look at her and judge when it could have been any of us. Hell it has been some of us. Everyone will say what Keisha did wrong, and how she messed up. I want to focus on what she did right. I know you gave me major side eye but keep reading.

She followed her heart. For whatever reason she decided to say yes. When she said yes she did that for her. No matter what anyone else thought and that is very freeing. Too many times we don’t do things because we lack support, or because we fear what someone will say. She stood in her truth at the time and went for what felt right to her. No matter how it ended her courage has to be applauded.

She decided to speak about it ONCE! In her interview that I am sure as gone viral she said she will only be speaking about it once and she is moving on. It is so hard to get over things when we have to keep reliving it. Something bad happened, and you have to keep repeating the story, or it keeps playing over in your head is like re opening the wound. Remember when your mom would tell you to keep your band aide on so the cut would heal? Same concept. She has decided to not to keep reliving and repeating the story because she is moving forward. Too many times we want to wallow in the pain when that is so counterproductive.

She seems to be keeping the focus on her baby. In the clip I watched she kept referring to her baby and how her baby deserves better. At this time, her marriage is over. Focusing on the unborn child is the best thing to do. She has to get herself together and prepare to be a mother. If what Ed said is true then she has what she really wants any way right? While her situation is not ideal she is in a much better situation than I was when I was a single mom.  Babies are miracles no matter how they were conceived.

I know it is so easy to pass judgement but remember she is human too. What are your thoughts on this situation?

3 Reasons why You are Still Single

I have been married almost three years now, and contrary to popular belief I did not marry the first man to ask me. I also did not marry the man with the biggest engagement ring. Now was I intentional in my dating? Yes. Was I honest with potential mates about what I wanted and where I was in my life? Absolutely. Without honesty we end up wasting a lot of time.

There was no need in me dating a guy who did not like children because I have a daughter. There was no reason for me to date the divorced guy who said he never wanted to get married again because I wanted to get married. I could go on and on about who I didn’t waste my time with but you get it.            

The point is with everything in life you need to be intentional, and go after what you want. The assumption is you know what you want. You have to know what you want so you recognize it when it arrives. I know women have that proverbial list, he must be this, that, and the other but please do not get too caught up in the list. It is great to have standards but you do not want to be too limiting. How sad will you be if you miss your man because he was 6 foot even and not 6’1? Besides most women I know who are happily married did not marry their type, or what could be considered their list guy.

What is crucial is to identify what is important to you as well as identify your deal breakers. For some women they want a man with a lot of money so they can live the fabulous life and be a socialite, while other women want their man to be home with them by 7pm. Here is where you have to determine which is more important and what is a deal breaker for you.  In most cases a man with a lot of money is not going to have as much time to spend with you as a guy making an average income. He is working to make his money and may not work traditional hours.

Assuming you have taken the time to determine what it is you want in a relationship you have to then date a guy who is able to give what you say it is you want. . A friend of mine always tells me she wants the kind of relationship her parents have. This is great because they seem to really be in love. The issue is the guy she dates is nothing like her father. He is disrespectful, a liar, and not a very good father to his child, if we are being honest. How can she ever get what her parents have with him?

No ring, ceremony, or amount of sex is going to make him to the person she wants him to be. So if she stays with him she will be able to say she is in a relationship but she won’t have what she says it is she wants, a relationship like her parents. What I am not here for is 30 year old women saying there are no good men. The truth is it might be you. Here are three reasons you are still single. 

You are chasing the unavailable. 

When a man says he does not want to be married, in a relationship, or that he is already in a relationship keep it moving. He is unavailable. Even if he sleeps with you, and texts you sweet nothings he is emotionally unavailable. I know you watch Power and you are thinking wait a minute Angela got Ghost, but did she really? Think about the episode their relationship is super tense, and they only seem connected lying in bed. She questions his every move, and I am sure they do not really trust each other. So no she didn’t win either. In the words of the great Maya Angelou “When someone shows you who they are believe them.”

You are not what you want.

If you want a boss, be a boss. I don’t understand why women think it is ok to be a minimum wage worker, then demand a guy be making six or seven figures before she will even say hi to him. It is as if you are frowning upon the minimum wage worker which means you are silently frowning upon yourself. People are attracted to people like them. Where does the guy making 6 figures go and meet the woman who is making minimum wage? She cannot afford to be at the Mayor’s ball, and he is probably not at the juke joint. Sure it works differently on tv and there is always that friend of a friend who is the exception. However, I am speaking to the majority.

You have no standards.

A standard is a level of quality, or an idea or thing used as a measure. Simply put a standard is what you require in order for a man to date you. Do you require he love God, have a car, treat you with respect? What must he do before you feel he is worthy of your time? This is your standard. Now some men will fall short, and we as women are tempted to stay and “save him” or give him a second chance, but while we are wasting time with him we are missing out on someone who will exceed those standards. Get some standards a man needs to perform at a certain level to be in your life. If you accept anything, and allow him to treat you any kind of way he will do just that. We teach people how to treat us, and if you teach people that you allow disrespect, then there is no reason for them to treat you better.

Bonus- You are mean!

The world is a rough place. People are struggling, with societal and economic issues The last thing a man wants is to come home to, or have to call a mean negative woman. Women we are man’s peace so don’t bring him pain. 

Don't worry if you feel like you do not fit not one of these categories, I will be back with more! The post had to end right?? Tell me why you think you are single?

4 Things you may be doing that Kills Trust in Your Marriage

What is trust? People say all the time without trust there is no relationship, and I tend to agree. Or they say you have to trust your spouse with your heart, home, finances, body, children, everything, and again I agree, but what is trust? I often feel like it is one of those things we talk about, know it when we feel it, but can’t quite put it in words. It is like an understanding between two people.

But what is it really?  Is it the ability to allow your husband to go on a guy’s trip and you not flip out and call him every five minutes, or maybe it means you know when bill time comes around you are good? Or does trust mean he can now leave his phone in the room and you no longer do an army low crawl to search it and put it back in the exact same place? I think it is all of these things and more.

As I pondered the idea of trust I of course went to Madam Google who led me to Sir Merriam-Webster and I found the following “simple” definition: 

• Belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc
• Assured reliance on character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
  • One in which confidence is placed

There were other definitions related to money and banks but that is totally off topic.

Trust, is like security in a relationship. I don’t want to have to wonder about any aspect of my relationship EVER. I want to know whatever our arrangement is that is what it is! If money is tight I shouldn’t come home to a red envelop I need to know before it gets that far.  I need to feel confident when you are out I am your queen and I have nothing to worry about. There will always be someone thinner, thicker, taller, longer hair whatever, but I want to be able to TRUST what we have is bigger and better than what other women may be offering.

Trust is not always about side chicks, although that is where our minds tend to go first. It is about me knowing I can count on you. I need to know in a clutch you got me. When you are in a relationship the other person needs to trust you will do your part, and do what you said you would do. Whether that is pay the bills, pick up the kids. When there is trust in a relationship you are able to let your guard down. You can be emotionally and physically nude. You are able to openly communicate and share who you are.

Think about it this way; when your husband leaves do you immediately think OMG he is cheating, or are you like me and think hey babe have a good time and don’t forget the milk. Trust is an asset like money. You work for your check, and you have to work at making sure your spouse trusts you. This happens over time when you show yourself as reliable and honest.

But what if you were ruining the trust in your relationship and didn’t even know it. What if little mistakes are chipping away at the trust? Here are 4 things you could be doing that will over time kill the trust in your relationship.

1. Not communicating. When you are not talking (and listening) to your spouse you leave room for error and assumptions. Communication keeps down so much confusion. No one can tell you anything about your relationship or spouse if the two of you are in constant communication.
2. That dam phone. We are all addicted to our phones. You are probably reading this from your phone now. The issue is how you are with your phone. If you guard your phone with your life, scared to leave it in the same room with your mate, and change your body to shield the screen you look suspect. Sure the sun may have been in your eye and you need to adjust your body but it still looks fraud.
3. No sex in the champagne room. I don’t care who you are sex is mandatory in a relationship. So unless someone has cancer or some other serious illness you need to be having sex with your mate. Everyone no matter what they tell you assumes if you are not sleeping with them, you are getting it from somewhere else. Sure you may be tired but you still have to put it down.
4. Not following through. If you say you will do something, do it. Whatever THAT is, pay a bill, pick up the kids, call their mom, whatever you told them you would do, get your Nike on and JUST DO IT.

Trust happens over time. You have to build a track record of showing up, and being a person of your word. Still years of trust can be demolished in a millisecond so we have to be careful without words and actions. What are you doing today to build trust in your marriage?