therapy

What to do When you are in a Therapy Slump

The progress in therapy can be slow and requires perseverance and dedication. For some mental conditions and life trauma counseling is lifelong. While it is an active thing we are doing to get better there can be a sump because tangible results manifest gradually. So often we are looking for the 180 degrees of change when really we need to look for the 1 degree. Change is hard and can come about a lot slower than we think. There may be periods of regression, relapses, and plateau phases in your mental health journey. 

When therapy stagnancy gets in the way of progress, here are a few things you can do to get out of the funk. 


Talk to Your Therapist

Say something! Let this be a practice in speaking up and advocating for yourself. Your clinician is equipped with resources and strategies to help identify the source of the stagnancy and problem solve with you. They also have the experience and training to help you maneuver through the slump. 

You do not need to suffer in silence when you have a professional helping you get better. Talk to your therapist, and together you can find a lasting solution.

Acceptance

Acknowledge your situation instead of living in denial. It is okay to feel stuck. It is normal for any long-term process to have an exponential face and a plateau phase. However, do your best not to lag off. Ignoring this reality only exhausts your resolve further and worsens your feelings of dissatisfaction. While you are feeling less of an impact, your mind is slowly and steadily reshaping for the better.


Use Your Feelings and Emotions as Pointers

Your feelings and emotions do not always accurately depict your mental state. It is the reason they have to be regulated. Therefore, you cannot rely on them to make decisions or develop perceptions. Instead, leaning on your sensations, use them as indicators. Why are you finding therapy to be such a burden? What is feeding your dissatisfaction? You should also note when counseling became unbearable. 

Identify the triggers and enabling behaviors and focus on resolving the conflicts. Unless you find the root cause of your discontentment, you may never see the necessity to continue with therapy. Let your feelings and emotions point you toward the underlying cause. 


Create Daily Goals to Break from Routine

Therapy, like any other life routine, gets boring. It gets familiar and unchallenging with time. The monotony makes you worn out. You can spice up your routine by setting up daily goals to increase the excitement. The goals should be realistic and focus on improving certain aspects of your mental health.


 If your stagnation comes from therapy strategies not working, it may be time to learn new techniques. The rut means progress in such cases. Your brain uses learned pathways to solve new problems. Sometimes, the novel issue may be too complex for your brain's response. Thus, it may be time to learn new therapeutic techniques to overcome this new milestone. 

Create goals that achieve a higher objective to stimulate your brain. Begin with improving the rut causation before advancing to boosting other areas of your brain. You need to know the cause of your rut to achieve these goals.

Self-Care

A slump may indicate you are not taking care of your mental and physical health. Are you getting enough sleep? How long do you rest? What is your diet? Mental health requires complete lifestyle transformation. 

  • Ample sleep helps regulate your circadian rhythm, essential for hormone regulation. Some of these hormones influence mood regulation.

  • Diet provides nutrients that the body uses to maintain the brain's function. Thus, you can set your goals, improve your motivation and reasoning, and regulate your emotions, thoughts, and mood.

  • Exercise improves blood circulation. It boosts your brain performance by supplying sufficient nutrients and oxygen to the brain. Exercise also releases feel-good hormones to help you handle depression.

  • Spend time with loved ones. When you are around people who care, you get the support to forge on in therapy.

  • Mindfulness activities help you appreciate life and delight in the little things.

If you have been neglecting yourself, it is easy to get weighed down by life responsibilities. Prioritize yourself beyond attending therapy sessions. 

Make a Change

Progress in therapy is a great thing. While some people need years of therapy others may need months. If you are finding that nothing is new, your moods are regulated and you are using the skills and concepts discussed it may be time to take a step back. I find that people use the skills when we are seeing one another weekly because they know I will ask about them. I like to space the sessions out for 2 weeks and see what happens. It is ok to gradually space out the sessions because the goal is to heal right? It may be time for less frequent sessions and more actual real life. Do not be afraid to suggest this.

Everyone is different and what works for others may not work for you, but try a few of these suggestions if you find yourself in a rut while in therapy.

Happy healing!!



What to Do if Your Therapist Offends You

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We are all so different. What is ok in my house may not be in yours. My children are allowed to say no and I remember this was the holy grail of what not to do when I was growing. My point is we are all different and our threshhold for offense and disrespect is different. 


Times are changing and I think people are changing as quickly as they can but they will mess up. Therapist are people and while we have been trained on empathetic listening we were not given a linguistic course. Therapist have blindspots as well and they may come up in your session.


There may be a time when your therapist upsets you with their mannerisms word choice or even office decor. What should you do? I think there is external work and internal work to be done. 


Externally I think talk to the therapist about it. This is a teachable moment for the both of you. You being able to speak up for yourself and explain why you are feeling this way is helpful and it also shows the therapist their blind spot.  Growth for everybody. 


Internally challenge yourself to consider what you are actually upset about. Why did their use of this word (racial slurs and misgendering pronouns NOT included) offend you and was it intentional. What about the earrings made you upset? What about their website language and pictures triggered this response in you. Is it you? Does it remind you of something or someone else? One of the four agreements is to never take anything personal is this an instance where you can practice this?

There will be times where there is no compromise or understanding and in that case absolutely get another therapist. So much of your success is dependent on the theraputic relationship and if you believe it is tarnished beyond repair seek help elsewhere. ?I believe speaking up presents an opportunity for growth for the both of you even if you get a new therapist. You will have the opportunity to use your voice in a safe environment and the therapist will also have an opportunity to grow because trust me we are learning in these sessions as well. 

How do we learn to communicate if we are just running away? How does a person learn their language is offensive if in their home it is acceptable? Nope it is not your place to educate anyone but what if you took a minute to stand up for yourself? Would you feel better? 

Things to Consider Before You Start Therapy

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Therapy is quickly becoming an “in thing” to do and I absolutely love it. When something hurts you go to the doctor, why not go sit and let your emotions get some professional help as well.  In my opinion, therapy is one of those things you don't really know you need or how useful it can be until you do it (minus any major life traumas). I personally believe everyone should do it at least once in their lifetime. I think there is a misconception that something has to be majorly wrong before you go and that simply is not true. Therapy can be preventative if you let it. As good as it is there are some things you need to consider first (in no particular order).

  1. Do you have the time? Therapy is not an overnight fix. It takes time and work and guess who actually does the work… YOU. I like to remind my clients that my children broke my magic wand so they gotta be ready to work. This is not a situation where you come in one time and now the whole world makes sense. Even when a person is a solution-focused therapist you still need more than one session. So how much time can you commit?


  2. Do you have the financial resources? I say this with love… You never question the mechanic, your hairstylist, and not even the nail technician, give us the same respect! If you do not have insurance can you commit to $100 a week? This is actually cheap; some of my colleagues are charging $150 per session.


  3. Do you have the capacity to unpack? There will be sessions where it is hard. You will leave feeling like the bandaid was ripped off and there is no viable solution, just awareness. Are you in a place in your life where you can do that kind of mental gymnastics?


  4. Are you ready to get emotionally naked? That's therapy. It is baring your truth no matter how ratched, ugly, and uncomfortable so you can gain insights and do the work to heal. Lying to your therapist does no one any good. It is actually a HUGE waste of time. You will think they are no good because you don't see any change and they are only working with what they are given. So are you ready to be honest?


This list is clearly not exhaustive but it is a great starting point of things you need to consider before going to therapy. I hope you go, the healed you I am sure is amazing. Even if you feel like nothing major happened in your life it is still good to go. The insight is invaluable.

For more check out my video below: